There is something special about cutting open a passion fruit with a sharp knife. A sour and crunchy slurp that nourishes the cells behind my forehead. Sometimes when I’m thirsty I choose fruit instead of water. Maybe I am addicted to the sweetness just as much as the power behind its tart. A small crack on my dry lips lets in a sting. But I allow it because everything heals eventually. And I won’t stop loving these fruits even when I know it comes with a little pain.
All posts by:Allyson Sydney
Rebirth
Honey got in through the trap door again. It was so sticky this time that nothing could be let in or out. It was either winter or a wild fire. Nothing was breathing. Just ash floating in the sky like snow. Like bits of broken butterfly wings.
So nature made it rain. Cleared the air. Watered the foundations. And surprisingly enough, there were seeds burrowed in the dirt. Forgotten little things waiting to burst through. In no time wild flowers and ferns bubbled up. And the sun and stars breathed out in relief.
Red Wine
I’ve never been so happy
To take me out on a date
People-watch over the balcony
A man in the corner
Plays the saxophone
I’ve fallen in sweetness
With the thought
That I’m all I need
Angry
My chest is bursting at the seams and I will not run away. I will not explode. I will sit in the middle of the floor and ride out this fever.
Out Of Love
You’re coming into the shallow end of my heart
The warmth of your body still lingers at the edges
But we are both turning cold
And we know it
Sticky Seaweed
There is something wild in me
Filled with fire
Who is having fun destroying everything
I am creating secrets again
My own life
Unhinging
And scrubbing out the stick
How terrible to be intertwined
Like seaweed tangled in your toes
Swimming across the ocean of pain
Ready For Cake
I tasted a tear and there wasn’t even salt inside
I’m so tired of crying
Burning and itching
Heart bitten
I argued with myself like a teenager
You are going to regret this
But I have to make sure
I have to check for a pulse one more time
I continue
Come on it’s dead
That false puff of air
I love to love dead things
I’m becoming crazy
Wild and reckless
Like I always do
it doesn’t surprise me anymore
As I watch myself go mad
It’s becoming my ritual
To shiver and bleed
As I slice up the cake
The knife is in my hand
As I press on the frosting
I wish I knew where to collect the strength
To cut all the way through
How To Find A Meditation That Works For You
When we think of meditation, we visualize a monk sitting, legs folded, eyes closed, silent, sitting still. We think that he is in complete peace, his thoughts have ceased, and he’s not bothered by the flies and mosquitoes. His legs aren’t asleep and his back isn’t aching. From the outside, we think meditation is bliss. But when we try meditation on our own, we feel nothing like this.
Meditation is not all peace and enlightenment. It is learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable, being in pain, and training the mind through consciousness. It’s a practice. Some days you will succeed and some days you will have a difficult time. But as long as you are trying, you will receive the benefits.
There are an infinite number of ways to meditate. So, don’t feel discouraged thinking that you are just limited to sitting in silence. You can . . .
- Lay down on your back (But not recommended in the morning because you have been laying down all night while you were sleeping)
- Concentrate on breathing in and out slowly
- Count in your head
- Concentrate on a color
- Walk slowly and mindfully around the room/anywhere
- Listen to music – any music! From Nirvana to Beethoven
- Listen to nature – the ocean, a stream, the wind, birds
- Dance (Look up Osho meditations)
- Sew, Stitch, Macrame (Or any other repetitive motion)
- Cook or bake
- Draw a mandala
- Color – there are adult coloring books
- Sing a mantra (I recommend the Gayatri Mantra)
- Create your own mantra and repeat in your head or out loud or even write it out – For example, “I am grateful” or “I am deserving of love”
- Listen to a guided meditation on Youtube
- Try Yoga Nidra
- Try Qi Gong
If you choose to sit or lay down in silence, feel free to use pillows or sit against a wall to make yourself comfortable. Meditation has no rules and you have to find what works for you. And, when you feel pain or discomfort, be mindful of it and see how long you can last without moving or giving up.
Going to a meditation group can also be helpful because it forces you to stay with the practice. The group energy keeps everyone together and gives you the strength to keep going and maintain. Also, you can make new friends!
The easiest time to meditate is after the body has been moving and exerting itself. This is why we go into Savasana at the end of a yoga class. Working the body allows more space for the mind to calm down. So, no matter your physical practice, try to take 5 minutes to sit still at the end. If you’re having trouble finding stillness, do 20 jumping jacks and try again.
Meditation allows us the space to stop and just exist. To be one with ourselves and the universe. When we give ourselves this time and space, we can remove blockages, we can hear our intuition, we can feel the feelings we were repressing, and we can release tension and de-stress. It is easy for our mind to be a tangled web. Meditation teaches us that things don’t have to be so messy and cloudy. Actually, life is simple. We are blessed to be alive and to experience life. Not all experiences will be pleasurable and meditation can teach us how to accept the unpleasant and even appreciate it.
Nothing Can
Nothing can be perfect
Or stay forever lasting
But what about the embers
At the bottom of the fire pit
Or all the sand
That sleeps below the waves
I’ll stay as long as I can
Backseat
The rain locked us together
As the fog hung around the mountain trees
The sky reflected in your eyes
And I couldn’t believe
How easy it was to be with you