When I reflect on the amount of people who have walked in and out in my life … I see that I am the one who does most of the walking. Not because I am strong, but because I am in pain. My ego is bruised. “How dare I be treated like this” Because it is easier to hide my hurt feelings in anger. Because I feel them under my skin. Because I dont want to be the one abandoned. Because it is safer to cut them out like a tumor and try to never think about them again.
I am ashamed of the amount of people that i’ve cut off and blocked. I knew that person’s role in my play was over and I disgraced them to the exit without any gratitude or closure.
There are no two ways about the fact that each person i’ve ever had the opportunity to grow close to has been so important and necessary to me, my soul, and my life’s work, even though most of them are no longer around. And that’s okay. Forgive me as I am forgiving myself for any of my actions that are without love. I’m not perfect & I never will be. Thank you x