• Allure of the No

    I didn’t build a lighthouse on purpose
    Don’t start construction inside me
    Because I know you won’t
    Have the patience to understand
    The ecology of my mind
    To sit down
    To untangle my thoughts
    Thread by thread
    Dear you might end up dead
    It’s cold in here
    But only when you’re close
    I won’t even let you try
    Shut your ears
    Close your eyes
    Keep on drifting by

  • Dreamweaver

    I have ideas

    About the chapters in my book

    And sometimes I make plans

    But the best storyteller I know

    The skilled dream weaver

    Artist of life

    Veil of secrets

    Is the universe

    The ultimate creator

    And destroyer

    That force you feel mixing in the air

    Wondering which way

    The magic will blow

  • Girl, They Don’t Know Your Worth

    Girl, They Don’t Know Your Worth

    I promise you
    That it is getting better
    Imagine driving
    In LOVE
    And realize
    You are HAPPY
    And not only happy
    But straight BLESSED
    Whoever hurt you
    Is waking up today
    At the same time
    How much better it used to be
    When you were around
    Because GIRL
    You are the light
    The lavender fields
    And volcano sunsets
    That keep the rest of us going
    You are hope
    And don’t you waste ANY time
    Feeling sad about people
    Who are infested with demons
    Who are BLIND
    To your shine
    You helped them more than you know
    But now
    It’s time for you

    I was literally driving today on my way to teach yoga and realized that my present is so much better than my past. I was so happy that I felt bitter because of how I had allowed myself to be subjected to such low frequencies.

    I kept saying yes to the wrong people and getting tangled up in the wrong situations over and over again. Until I hit the lowest of the lows: the breaking point: the self intervention: the collapse into despair.

    It has been one year of processing through my own shit that was triggered, realizing that I am worth much more than the people around me were treating me as and saying NO over and over again because I am not going to take whatever I can get. I want the best of the best. And it has arrived.

    This poem was inspired by things people have said to me, things I’ve said to myself, and things I want to say to any woman whose worth has not been fully realized by the people around her.

    Stay blessed x

  • Karmic Love

    Spiders are crawling out of my eyes. There are cactuses knotted in my hair. I haven’t showered in 6 days. There’s food on the floor and daddy roaches are slithering around for scraps. I saw an ant get eaten by another ant. I’m dreaming about sucking on your tongue and swallowing your morning breath. I’m nasty filthy longing for you. I thought you would stay, but all you do is walk away.

  • Completion

    She waits for it

    Like a child in a deep sleep

    Aware that morning will come

    Tucked quietly in the darkness


    Certain of the sun

  • Anatomy of a Tree

    I am hurt
    But I feel rooted
    My spirit doesn’t float on a flimsy string
    It is a thick tree
    Inside my ribs
    Spreading tall to my eyes

    But its limbs are shaking in my stomach
    Wind whipping in my head
    I’m tired
    I’m dizzy

    Fallen leaves all around
    I wait for them to rot
    And turn themselves into soil
    That breeds something else

    It is better to have a storm
    Than an apocalypse
    To burst away
    Before I crawled too tightly into the cookie cutter

    I am strong
    I am shaken
    I am allowed to be both

    It hurts to walk away from you, but my intuition told me that I should.

  • Premonition

    As I wrote his name, the pen shook. Like the words knew they weren’t true before they were splotched onto the paper. I was so good at writing how I felt. Writing about pain. But when I tried to write something nice about our future, the pen laughed.

    I knew the truth, I just wasn’t ready to believe it.

  • Dandelion Seeds

    Things have gone wrong. But maybe they were meant to. Maybe the hard way is the only way I know how to learn. Sometimes it takes getting stripped and beaten to make me choose to put the right things on. I might have to repaint the walls over and over. My taste for the right color changes. Nothing is set in stone either. Its all maleable.

    Especially my brain. I can rewire my mind if I want to. Reset all the patterns that aren’t protecting me anymore. The mean voice that tells me not to forgive myself is wrong. The relentless matter of whether or not I can trust myself. The mistakes I made. The toxic energies I was drawn to. The depressive emotions and explosive waterfalls of anger. They’re not meant to have a home inside me.

    What am I leaning on to hide from my truth? A cigarette on the balcony? A coffee at 3pm? Kissing the stranger from London? I won’t let my sensations melt into mud. I need to feel it so I can release it like a dandelion seed.

    The ghosts in draping cloths are screaming inside my ribcage. Fear is tapping at my bones. Fear is under my tongue. Fear is in my pillow case talking to me in my dreams. I’ll say hi for you. I never knew how to call it by its name. Anxiety or nerves. Running. Butterflies in my belly.

    All the things that I fear are things that have already happened. I was so afraid of getting left, I did everything I could to hold my power. I didnt want to hurt anyone, but I was okay with hurting myself. So I lived and relived and loved all those that pushed me into the soil.

    I’m good at suffering. Of playing the tortured artist. Depressed under the sheets. Sunshine coming in through the window while I prayed for rain. No energy to even take a shower or eat. Let me die here. But I ended up getting kicked out. Like a seed breaking through the dirt. I wrote and stabbed my guts out until they were squeezed dry with poems. I cried under my desk at work. I even escaped to an island.

    But it was time that helped me. It was allowing the dandelion seeds to fly into the wind. Each day I got farther and farther from where the boat took off. I’m relieved to be here today. Free. Detached. Unlocked. Feeling equanimity for the people and events of the past. It is not pain anymore. It’s a lesson.