Escaping Uncomfortable Emotions
It is a natural instinct for me to escape. To disappear. To shut all the doors and build a wall. Run away. But, as humans, we are too soft for that. We need each other. And no matter where we go, we bring ourselves with us. Our problems, our thoughts, our feelings.
When we feel uncomfortable emotions, we ask ourselves: how can I ease this suffering? What will make it less? What will make it go away? So we put it in a box and bury it at the bottom of our mind. It takes a lot of energy to keep these things buried. And then they come up in unexpected ways.
The key to suffering is to surrender to it. Make space for the pain. Let go. Let it in. Let it out. Surrender.
The Suffering is There for a Reason
You cannot make it less. You cannot escape it. Perhaps, you can avoid it or repress it. But it is still there.
Look at all the people in this world who are avoiding and repressing their suffering. What are they doing? They are using drugs and alcohol to self medicate. They are overworked. They are snapping at people around them for no reason. They feel lonely. They feel bored. Depressed. Angry. Weak. Insecure. They’re unconscious of how they feel at all.
I think that it is okay to party, but be in control of it. It is okay to feel all these negative emotions. They are part of the suffering. It becomes a problem when they don’t go away. When you are living with them full time.
My experience with my suffering and pain is that it can be unexpected. It comes, stays, and goes without warnings. So, when it knocks on your door, let it in. The more you make yourself available for it, the more you can control when it comes in. This is talking to a friend about it. This is talking to a therapist. This is staying in and having a night to yourself. This is writing about it. This is meditating on it. Make room for the pain and it may not barge in so suddenly.
What is the Purpose of Suffering?
We always ask why! Why me? Why this? It is for your growth. For some reason, you have not learned or understood these spiritual lessons. You are hurting because you don’t have the wisdom yet.
So, when you are at your lowest point, stay with yourself. Okay, I am here now. Ask the questions. Why am I suffering like this? How do I feel? Don’t move to a new country. Don’t go out and get a beer. Be with the suffering and have a dialogue with it.
Look for Messages From the Universe
I try to see the big picture. I broke up with my boyfriend. I lost a person, but I’ve gained time and openness to getting closer to others. I lost the partnership and all the wonderful things that comes with that, but I also see how damaging the partnership was to me, my personal growth, and how it was preventing me from living my happiest life.
If it was truly wrong to end the relationship, I don’t think that my world would have brightened up the moment I removed him from my life. And even after, for all the times that I have run into him, unlucky things have happened to me. Like a blanket of negative energy.
Pay attention to what is going on around you. The universe sends subliminal messages, little hints, and brings people and opportunities in and out of your life with purpose. These are the crazy coincidences. The seemingly random messages or emails or things that you run into. Tune in.
Relationships in Our Lives
There are many spiritual lessons that come from relationships. Some lessons hurt. Look into your past and ask what is similar about this situation compared to a situation that you have already been through. I had to break up with my boyfriend because he emotionally abandoned me. When I was a child, so have my parents. Neither of these people behaved like this to purposely hurt me. It is normal to experience childhood trauma to some degree because no one is a perfect parent. But it is our duty as adults to resolve this trauma. Release the pain. And learn to spot the people who will cause us to engage in these patterns.
I am subconsciously attracted to partners who will cause me to relive my past traumas. This energy is comfortable for me. Did I see this coming with my ex? Perhaps. But I chose to ignore the red flags. I followed my feelings and chose love. Always choose love. You have a connection for a reason. Explore that. I have learned that even if the relationship fails, you discover exactly what you don’t want. I need some one who is emotionally intelligent, in touch with themselves, and open about how they feel.
Accept People As They Are
You cannot help some one or change them if they don’t want to be helped or changed. This is always a hard one for me. I want to help and heal. I am always willing to give everything I have. This is a pattern for me that I have gone through with more than one relationship. I am learning.
Unconditional love is loving some one without trying to change them in any way. We can love people unconditionally, but it doesn’t mean we have to suffer through a relationship with them. We can love our parents, but it doesn’t mean that we have to stay so close to them because their behaviors are hurting us.
Don’t waste your energy on trying to change some one. Say thank you for the gift of love, but understand what you need to be happy. Accept that not everyone is meant to be so close in your heart.
Healing is Work
I have been working hard to recover my mental spaces and the heaviness in my heart. The wound is healing. I do this by writing, yoga, meditation, talking about it, and therapy. Never be ashamed to seek outside help from a therapist. You can do most of the self-healing while they can cause break-throughs. They are highly educated people who can help you navigate whatever you’re going through.
I’ve put in a lot of energy into healing and it is hard work. It makes me tired. I feel the pain. But I am healing. Each day I grow. Each day I have new experiences. And it brings me farther and farther away from the trauma and closer to understanding myself. It is important to be in touch with yourself. Know yourself. Talk with yourself. Feel your feelings.
How does your life look? Because what you see on the outside is a direct reflection of what is going on inside. I promise that you will heal from whatever is hurting you. Be open. Try. Surrender to the pain and listen to what it is trying to teach you.