You want to see the world, but that means leaving the people you love, your comforts, stability, familiarity, and routines. For me, this is exactly the reason to explore new horizons: for the change, excitement, and novelty. In fact, new places and new people draw me away.
There have been many instances where homesickness has seeped into my blood stream. Usually when things aren’t going smoothly or there is something exciting going on at home. Please note, difficult times always pass, holidays and birthdays pass, and home becomes boring again. Everything changes.
I have three younger brothers: ages 5, 8, and 19 years old. I am the oldest sister, but I am never around. I am always half way across the world. The 19-year-old and I mostly communicate to each other by sending memes on Instagram. I can’t even directly communicate with the youngest two. I told my Dad to tell them that I said Goodnight and I love you one evening and he replied that the youngest forgot who I was. I hope that’s not true, but it shatters my heart.
I am guilty of not being around for my brothers. There will always be times when they need me, but I am not there. Interestingly, I am a kindergarten teacher, surrounded by young children, teaching them and giving them my love, yet I don’t do this for the two children whom I share a father with.
How do I deal with this guilt?
Writing this out now burns my heart and is putting me on the brink of tears. What would be the solution? Move back home and be around all the time for my brothers? That would mean sacrificing my dreams, my life, changing my path for some one else.
Should you ever make decisions based on pleasing some one else? I have learned and been advised that you should follow your bliss. Be yourself. I am traveling and living abroad because it pleases me and I think that it will make me a better person. Don’t sacrifice A N Y T H I N G for your mom, your aunt, your dad, grandparents, siblings, best friends, boyfriends, etc.
If you want to do something or be some one, give yourself permission.
If you hold yourself back, you could end up harming yourself and the people around you. Worry about yourself. Believe in yourself.
There will be people to urge you on your path, but there will also be tests. Feeling guilty can be seen as a test. Listen to your feelings and observe. If you are confused, wait for more information to come, and then decide. Always follow your heart and do what is best for YOU. Sometimes there are instances when it is a good choice to go back home, but only you know the right decision.
If you are in your 20’s, this is the beginning of your life. Maybe the place where you grew up is not meant to be your home forever. These changes and realizations bring on foreign and uncomfortable feelings. What do you want?
I get homesick, but I know that the place where I grew up, where my family and friends live, is no longer my home. That small town has not changed. Everyone will give me lots of attention for the first few days, then I will sink into the daily routines. Sometimes, I feel like an outsider to my family. I have been out of the loop for so long that it isolates me. Blame it on the time difference!
Exploring the world or moving to a new city does not mean you are off at war. You can come back to visit anytime you want. How do you deal with the guilt of being away from your loved ones while traveling?