Last week was difficult at school. I posted a photo on Instagram in which many people wrote back with spiritual advice and don’t-worry-i’m-here-for-you-type messages. This morning I cried out of frustration and sadness for how I’ve been treated in this country.
Why is it that our negative experiences sting us more than our positive ones heal us? The source of my unhappiness cannot be blamed on the outside world. The world will always be like this: rough and imperfect. But it is just as equally extraordinary and perfect.
There are things in my life that tug and tug at me until all of a sudden I find myself floating away from the beach. Sometimes there are riptides and panic sets in…I need to get back to myself NOW. For me, this is my job, spending time with people, going out. What is it for you?
It is nice to let yourself float away sometimes, but not for too long. One thing I am dealing with now is the balance of this. I need to get in the water – to socialize, make money, have fun, be spontaneous. But I also need to be on the shore – to take care of my body, clean, do yoga, write, meditate, reflect, to take a break from giving.
I have had a difficult experience in Chiang Mai thus far. It has had its ups, but the downs have been keeping my consistently lower than usual. I am thankful for being frustrated because this is a sign that I am learning. Learning exactly what? I am not sure yet..I am still in the thick of it. My heart is heavy, but I know it will feel light again.