• How To Find A Meditation That Works For You

    When we think of meditation, we see a monk sitting, legs folded, eyes closed, silent, sitting still. We think that he is in complete peace, his thoughts aren’t going, and he’s not bothered by the flies and mosquitoes. His legs aren’t asleep and his back isn’t aching. From the outside, we think meditation is bliss. But when we try meditation on our own, we feel uncomfortable on the inside.

    I go to group meditations once in a while. I’ve been to sound-healings where we are laying flat on the ground. I have also been to Mindfulness Meditations where we all sit around the room and are guided by a teacher. In the middle, I will open an eye and see everyone in their stillness with relaxed faces. Even while laying down, my bones start to ache after a while. While sitting, a cramp in my right shoulder develops. I get distracted by outside sounds and lights.

    The point is, meditation is not all peace. It is learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable, being in pain, and training the mind to bring it to simplicity. It’s a practice. Some days you will succeed and some days you will have a difficult time. But as long as you are trying, you will receive the benefits and your mind will become stronger.

    There are an infinite number of ways to meditate. So, don’t feel discouraged thinking that you are just limited to sitting in silence. You can . . .

    • Lay down on your back (But not recommended in the morning because you have been laying down all night while you were sleeping)
    • Concentrate on breathing in and out slowly
    • Count in your head
    • Concentrate on a color
    • Walk slowly and mindfully around the room/anywhere
    • Listen to music – any music! From Nirvana to Beethoven
    • Listen to nature – the ocean, a stream, the wind, birds
    • Dance (Look up Osho meditations)
    • Sew, Stitch, Macrame (Or any other repetitive motion)
    • Cook or bake
    • Draw a mandala
    • Color – there are adult coloring books
    • Sing a mantra (I recommend the Gayatri Mantra)
    • Create your own mantra and repeat in your head or out loud or even write it out – For example, “I am grateful” or “I am deserving of love”
    • Listen to a guided meditation on Youtube
    • Try Yoga Nidra
    • Try Qi Gong

    If you choose to sit or lay down in silence, feel free to use pillows or sit against a wall to make yourself comfortable. Meditation has no rules and you have to find what works for you. And when you feel pain or discomfort, be mindful of it and see how long you can last without moving or giving up.

    Going to a meditation group can also be helpful because it forces you to stay with the practice. The group energy keeps everyone together and gives you the strength to keep going and maintain. Also, you can make new friends!

    The easiest time to meditate is after the body has been moving and exerting itself. This is why we go into Savasana at the end of a yoga class. Working the body allows more space for the mind to calm down. So, no matter your physical practice, try to take 5 minutes to sit still at the end. If you’re having trouble finding stillness, do 20 jumping jacks and try again.

    Meditation allows us the space to stop and just exist. To be one with ourselves and the universe. When we give ourselves this time and space, we can remove blockages, we can hear our intuition, we can feel the feelings we were repressing, and we can release tension and de-stress. It is easy for our mind to be a tangled web. Meditation teaches us that things don’t have to be so messy and cloudy. Actually, life is simple. We are blessed to be alive and to experience life. Not all experiences will be pleasurable and meditation can teach us how to accept the unpleasant and even appreciate it.

    If you have any questions about meditation or need some advice or guidance in your practice, comment below.

  • How Your Mind Is Like A House

    Your mind is a place full of thoughts. Your consciousness controls the weight of each thought and has the power to change them. But can it control which thoughts are produced? There are many factors: your subconscious, patterns and behaviors you learned in childhood, your traumas, your experiences, the outside world, drugs, and alcohol. Life comes at you in good and bad ways and your mind processes it and stores it.

    If you were wronged, it is not your fault. But it is your responsibility to deal with it.

    If your mind is like a house then all your negative experiences are like clutter. It is easy to have the clutter and shove it in a corner. It is easy to ignore the clutter by leaving your house. When you are working, involved in an activity or hanging out with friends, you leave your house. You leave the inside of your mind and focus on your outside experience. When you drink, smoke, or do drugs, you escape your mind as well.

    The less time you spend inside your mind, the more the clutter builds. The more the clutter builds, the more you feel like you need to escape it. Mess is uncomfortable. It is not pleasant to be inside a dirty house with trash, dirt, and things thrown around. You don’t want to be there. When you see the mess, it is overwhelming. Where do I start? Just like when your real house or your room is messy, you rather ignore it than spend the time organizing and doing laundry.

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  • What My Failed Relationship Has Taught Me

    I recently ended a relationship with some one I was completely in love with. The failure of the relationship was not because we did not love each other, but because we did not love ourselves. He had some heavy personal things to sort through. And I chose a person who was not fully available to me. Our bond, the glue that was holding us together, crumbled before us and we just stood there knowing there was nothing to be done. Our life paths were not going side by side anymore. The road forked and I had to watch my lover veer off. He is my soulmate–a feeling of comfort and familiarity washes over me when we are together, we have a simultaneous friendship and chemistry. Its sad to see him go, but I know I will see him again in another life. And I also know that I have more than one soulmate.

    I remember our final conversation saying “I just want to help you.” I wanted to give and give and do anything I could to ease his suffering. He said: “You can’t. I need to do this on my own.” And I agreed. Its so difficult to see the one’s you love drowning in their own self-inflicted pain. You think with the right advice and therapies that you can help them. But it is impossible. Each person is on their own path. Each person deals with trauma in their own way. Each person develops in their own time. Step 4 for you might be step 76 for another person. You have to grow in your own way, on your own. Sometimes the couple can grow together, but for all human souls it is necessary to give yourself time to grow on your own.

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