• Graceful Fire – moving on, letting go, feeling nothing, and being free

    Each individual must be the one to take off their own blindfold.

    It’s all very simple how life works. It’s just a little river that we have to be patient and flexible enough to flow with. I’ve been working on letting go piece by piece and healing. And it is not a quick fix situation. It’s a full on process of transformation and grieving. A lot of grieving as I release. And it’s interesting because with loss you can be absolutely fine going about your day, but then you will hear a song or have a dream or just absolutely randomly the switch will flip and you will feel all that sadness come to you. Sometimes anger. Surprising emotions.

    It’s been a lovely experience going through all this. Well, of course, it’s also been terrible and gut-wrenching. But I’m at the end now. The rain has already come and I am sitting in a field of fruits, basking in all the rewards of my labor. So, I’ve literally never been better. Physically, professionally, emotionally, and spiritually. There is so much abundance and the world is mine.Read More

  • Coming Home to America – Reverse Culture Shock

    After traveling for the past 3 years (mostly in Asia), I have returned to the place where I was born and grown: Connecticut, USA. I would have continued what I was doing: volunteering, teaching yoga, and exploring foreign places, but my bank account directed me back. Also, I missed my family (friends included) and the familiarity.

    I thought that I would be overwhelmed by people trying to meet up and hear all about my adventures. That people were eagerly waiting for my return. But it wasn’t exactly like that. Just my mom crying at the airport. And seeing some friends and relatives here and there.

    My 20-year-old brother is more interested in his new kitten than catching up with his long lost sister. And it feels like I have to twist arms to get people to make time for me. Unanswered calls. Delayed responses. Scheduling. It is not as easy to flow here.

    People have gone on with their lives in the same manner. While I feel like I have been whipped around in a hurricane of rainbows and storms in lands far, far away that they could only fathom as a fairy tale.

    And that’s what it feels like. Everything that I had experienced has been lost in the winds of time and I am stuck here, in cement, as I wait for the clock to tick forward. It is gray and quiet here. Like there are underground, rushing waterfalls repressed by designer clothes and cars and overpriced, rented apartments.

    Americans pay a lot for everything. And what they don’t realize is that they are living in luxury. Air conditioning, potable water from the tap, washing machines, no sounds of geckos mating at night. But it comes with a price…Read More

  • New Direction: Why I Moved to Camiguin Island, Phillipines

    I am in a new place. Living a completely different life. It has only been 2 weeks. I’m slow to settle in and find my groove.

    I was working 9 hours a day in the city and waiting for the weekend to come so I could socialize, relax, and let go. It was a routine life. I always saw the same people and did the same things. I felt tired all the time. A bit frustrated at times. Even bored. Floating away from the type of person that I had been aiming for.

    Being a teacher was interesting. You have to hold it together in front of everyone all day. You have to be patient, kind, understanding, willing to explain, but also strong and regulated. I tried to be an example for my students. I tried to teach them things about life, not just what the book said. I tried really hard to be interesting, engaging, and inspiring. It takes more energy than you would think. By the end of the week, all I wanted to do was throw my inhibitions away, talk shit, swear, and drink.

    I loved to stay out all night dancing and saying yes to drugs if anyone was offering. I would sleep in and take a yoga class or go on a long drive into the mountains. I hated most having to avoid police check points and the air quality. I felt like I was constantly flipping through the same book. Over and over again. I loved it, but I was ready for something else.

    I was going through a break up at the time and felt like it would be healthy for me to go away for a while. I began applying to teach yoga at retreat centers all over the world: Maldives, Morocco, Cambodia, India, Hawaii, and so on. Nothing was working out. I had one last interview with a retreat center in the Philippines and I told myself that if this didn’t work out, I would finish out the semester and look again in December.

    The interview was a flowing conversation with laughter. Easy and natural. A few days later I quit my job and booked a one way ticket. I was worried about money, but I told myself that I would find a way to stretch it. I broke my lease and moved my excess stuff to a friend’s house. I was surprised at how many things were mine. That I held onto. It all happened so fast that I thought I’ll just take myself and a backpack to the Philippines and worry about all the logistics later. Sometimes I think that if something happened to the stuff that I left behind in Chiang Mai, I wouldn’t care.

    I am here now living on a quiet island. Teaching yoga. Sounds of the ocean in the background. Eating well. Coming and going on a bicycle. Taking naps sometimes, And writing. Actually, I have never been luckier. I am really living. I am not stressed or yelling at kids because they didn’t do their homework. Finally, I am giving myself the space to just be and do something that I love. Work that enriches my soul.

    Now, I wait for my soul to blossom. To feel and rejuvenate. To go deep within myself. To understand my path. To find my calling.

    In a sense, I am already there. But I always want to know more. Go further. I am always seeking.

     

  • For The In-Betweens

    Sometimes I look at my life as a series of stepping stones. Each life-changing decision brings me closer to my purpose. And I get so wrapped up in what’s coming, the life that I don’t have yet, that I lose focus on the abundance that I have already created for myself.

    When I reflect, I’m in awe of all the good times that have already passed. And I remember how I could have done a better job in enjoying the moment more fully.

    My head runs me far from my heart like a puppy and it is a practice to constantly bring it back. This is where I am today. Look at this beautiful life that I have created for myself. Indulge in this sweet moment.

    I am teaching Yin Yoga today and am reminded to give myself space to exist, feel and release.

    Whatever you’re up to now, your purpose is coming for you, the love of your life is coming, your dream job is coming, so enjoy today while what is meant for you takes its sweet, perfect time to manifest.

  • Farewell

    Thank you
    You’ve played with my heart
    You’ve pissed me off
    You’ve burned my skin
    And suffocated my lungs
    With heat
    With warmth
    The rain started falling
    And I couldn’t go anywhere
    We can’t speak all the time
    But we smile together
    You’ve surprised me
    After all you’ve taken from me
    And pushed me down
    Tossed me around
    I noticed the flowers that you laid out for me
    Go find another heart
    To steal
    Feed them dragon fruit
    And show them the sleepy alleys with graffiti
    It’s true
    I fall in love with you more everyday
    Our bond thickening
    With every second
    My feet are planted on your floor
    But now since I have you
    I don’t want you
    Chiang Mai
    I’ve outgrown you
    Thank you
    Chiang Mai
    I’m letting you go
    I want something different
    Oceans not mountains
    Islands not traffic

  • The Art of Travel – Balancing Spontaneity and Planning

    I have lived in New Zealand, Dominican Republic, and Thailand for about one year each. In all these places, I have put down roots, assimilated myself into the culture and lifestyle, and called myself a local by the end. Why did I choose to live in these places? How did I do it?

    To the One’s Who Doubt You

    I remember calling my father while I was in the grocery store: “I am going to study abroad in New Zealand.” His response was: “No, you’re not.” I remember hearing his bewilderment on the phone and a this-is-absolutely-not-possible type of tone. I have always believed that if you want something bad enough, you will make it happen.

    I am a dreamer. I fantasize about the future and enjoy planning. In the beginning, my parents were doubtful. I would receive a lot of “Oh, Ally.” My ex would tell me: “Oh, you want to go here now? I’ll ask you again in a week.” There have been very few people along my path who have truly taken me seriously. And there continue to be people who don’t believe in me. This is a natural response to anyone who announces: “I am going to accomplish this big thing.”Read More

  • How to be a Tourist in Srinagar

    W H A T ‘ S  I T  L I K E ? –

    Srinagar is a bustling yet laid back city in Northern India. The locals are genuine, hospitable, and interested in getting to know you. They want more visitors so they treat the ones they do have with the upmost respect and kindness in hopes that you will spread positive word to other travelers.

    The city is made mostly of cement and metal. You will hear constant beeping and see men and women dressed in traditional loose-fitting kaftans and pants. Most locals are Muslim. You will see some women draped from head (including veils over the eyes) to ankles in black shawls. There are also women who expose their hair, but legs and shoulders are always concealed with loose-fitting clothing.

    Around the city, you will see mostly men going about their business as women primarily stay inside the house cooking, taking care of the family, and working hard. Still, women are free to roam the streets alone.

    Locals remain close to their traditions and, as a result, you feel its authenticity and old-world charm.

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  • 10 Things That Surprised Me About Chiang Mai

    1. There are more expats and foreigners here than I imagined

      Well, the secret is out. Northern Thailand is a paradise. And every other foreigner is either living here or visiting. There have been many instances where I have been out and about and there have been more white people than Thais. Many of the amazing restaurants (vegan, Italian, Israeli, etc.) are run by foreigners and usually their Thai wife or Thai business partner. As a result, the format of the city has been diluted with foreign influence. Chiang Mai is a multicultural place and sometimes you forget that you are in Thailand.

    2. The city is touristy

      For some reason, I expected Chiang Mai to be a low key, sleepy little city. I read that it was progressive and laid back and so I pictured lots of empty roads, hidden nature-scapes, and locals roaming around quietly. Instead, it is a bustling, growing city that has evolved to cater to its visitors. Downtown, prices for restaurants, bars, shops, tuk-tuks, and even markets are raised because of the influx of tourists. There are a lot of people everywhere. You can take any tour imaginable… For example: bathe elephants, hike to a waterfall, take a cooking class, go zip-lining through the jungle, and so on. Now, I live outside the city to avoid the tourists and the tourist prices.

    3. Almost everyone speaks English

      With tourism comes accommodation, comfort, and ease for the tourists. Tourists are more likely to come to a place where they know that they can experience something foreign without a communication barrier. Many Thais have realized that they can find more opportunities and success if they speak English. Some Thais are also very interested in talking with foreigners or maybe they want to be in a relationship with one. English is spoken and written just about everywhere. So much so that it has been difficult for me to pick up Thai because I can easily communicate in English.

    4. Thai is easier to learn than you think

      Many foreigners who live in Chiang Mai do not know Thai. They say it is difficult to learn because of the tones and how different it is structured from their own language. Part of immersing yourself in a new place is learning their language. I know many other foreigners who have picked up Thai because they force themselves to hang out with only Thais. You can easily take Thai language classes, higher a tutor, or immerse yourself more. With Thais, you usually have to be more outgoing at first, but they are very welcoming people. Just try it!

    5. Dealing with Immigration is complex and confusing

      One of the worst parts about living in Thailand is dealing with immigration. Bureaucracy, in general, is a hassle. When dealing with visas and all the other things that come along with it, make sure that you are on the ball. Constantly check in with the people, schools, or companies that are helping you get a visa. Rules change all the time and you have to be proactive. You will likely have to deal with a lot of annoying tasks that could have been avoided if you were more informed. It is so annoying, but that is the reality of having the privilege of living in Thailand.

    6. Police Checks

      There are police checks in downtown Chiang Mai and other parts outside the city on the way to other places (like Pai). They begin in the late morning and end in the early afternoon (usually). The police are checking for helmets and Thai licenses. If you are not following the rules, they will charge you 500 baht and give you a ticket. If police charge you less and don’t give you a ticket, that’s a bribe. Make sure you get a written ticket. Yes, they absolutely target foreigners. It is annoying, but just follow the rules or avoid the checkpoints.

    7. Alcohol can get expensive

      Food, housing, transportation, water, electricity, and gas are cheap cheap cheap! But, if you drink, it can add up. For example, a plate of street food can cost around $1 USD and a large beer can cost up to $3 USD. For some, alcohol is medicine. Cut alcohol costs by buying from 7-11 or a little mom and pop convenience store. If you buy drinks at a restaurant or a bar, prices are doubled and tripled.

    8. There are A LOT of bugs and lizards

      I know there are a lot of lizards because I have to sweep away their poop on my balcony all the time. And, also, how can I ignore their very loud mating calls at night? Rain brings flying termites that are obsessed with lights and they will show up in swarms of hundreds and thousands. Hundreds of ants will come marching in if you leave a single crumb. Once, there were hundreds of termites that birthed from my wooden stair. I told my landlord and she chalked it up to rainy season and said mai pen rai (it’s ok / don’t worry). Thais are way less fazed by bugs than me. I have become my own hero, even killing spiders and roaches with my bare hands. This is the price I pay for living in the jungle.

    9. You can get anything you need

      Thailand is not a third world country. There is a wonderful grocery store called Rimping. They are all over the city. You can get any snack or foreign food item here because they are stocked with imports. Yes, it is a bit more expensive than going somewhere local. Big C has any basic item as well, like a Walmart. You can find what you need anywhere in the city. I am always looking for special herbs, vitamins, holistic medications and toiletries, even organic produce and I have it all here. If anyone has ever wanted what you need, it probably exists somewhere.

    10. Chiang Mai sucks you in

      People have asked me: why do you live in Chiang Mai? Well, I have always wanted to go to Asia and Chiang Mai was my first stop. And I never left. I ran out of money, found a great job as a teacher, felt comfortable, and fell in love with a guy. One way or another, Chiang Mai will embrace you with all its wonders and comforts and you won’t want to leave either. Come experience it for yourself!

  • Why Do I Feel Guilty? – H O M E S I C K N E S S

    You want to see the world, but that means leaving the people you love, your comforts, stability, familiarity, and routines. For me, this is exactly the reason to explore new horizons: for the change, excitement, and novelty. In fact, new places and new people draw me away.

    There have been many instances where homesickness has seeped into my blood stream. Usually when things aren’t going smoothly or there is something exciting going on at home. Please note, difficult times always pass, holidays and birthdays pass, and home becomes boring again. Everything changes.

    I have three younger brothers: ages 5, 8, and 19 years old. I am the oldest sister, but I am never around. I am always half way across the world. The 19-year-old and I mostly communicate to each other by sending memes on Instagram. I can’t even directly communicate with the youngest two. I told my Dad to tell them that I said Goodnight and I love you one evening and he replied that the youngest forgot who I was. I hope that’s not true, but it shatters my heart.

    I am guilty of not being around for my brothers. There will always be times when they need me, but I am not there. Interestingly, I am a kindergarten teacher, surrounded by young children, teaching them and giving them my love, yet I don’t do this for the two children whom I share a father with.

    How do I deal with this guilt?

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  • How to Accept Yourself – S P I R I T U A L L Y

    A personal story about how I learned (still always learning) to accept myself, my experience in Thailand, and stay connected with my spirituality. 

    My spirituality sprouted from the roots of my soul while I was in college. I had ended an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and it wrecked me. My university offered free yoga classes at the gym and I started going to them every day.

    Yoga class was not just an exercise, it was also about spiritual growth and coping with trauma. During meditation at the end of class, the instructor would come around and massage our temples with lavender essential oil. They would read us quotes and excerpts about letting go of anger, being in the present, finding yourself, etc. It validated that I was lost, that I needed to get back on the path, and build a fulfilling life. Back then, I was learning about all these ideas for the first time and so they begun to change me.

    I became so intrigued with yoga that I minored in Asian Studies. The philosophy, religion, history, and art of Southeast Asia and India fascinated me. I read excerpts from the Bhagavad Gita, Daodejing, and other Buddhist and Hindu texts in my philosophy and history courses. The texts put my abstract, unorganized thoughts into eloquent ideas. It explained things that I felt I had always known deep down in simple ways.

    While in college, I volunteered in Ghana and taught yoga to pregnant women. I worked with them one on one, with a translator, and taught them poses to help relieve pain and release tension. The women and the nurses in the clinic were very receptive and excited about what I taught.

    All I wanted was to travel, see new places, experience new cultures. I had a longing to go to Asia that I knew I would never let go of. Eventually, timing and opportunity aligned and I packed up and moved to Thailand.

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