• Dreamweaver

    I have ideas

    About the chapters in my book

    And sometimes I make plans

    But the best storyteller I know

    The skilled dream weaver

    Artist of life

    Veil of secrets

    Is the universe

    The ultimate creator

    And destroyer

    That force you feel mixing in the air

    Wondering which way

    The magic will blow

  • How To Develop Resilience & Compassion

    I seem to attract and be drawn to some dark, haunted energies as partners: Addicts, mental disorders, convicts, abusers, people not aligned with their truth and lacking self-love.

    There is a theory on the law of attraction: like attracts like. From my experiences, I can’t confirm that that is always the case. I feel that we signed up to have certain experiences before we came down to this earth. Earth is like a school and we are given tests to develop certain skills so that our souls can evolve. We also have karma with certain people that needs to be resolved. A lot of my past relationships have been about resolving those karmas. And sometimes certain souls just want to hurt you–whether they are conscious of that or not.

    I will say that my life has been wild and intense. I’ve had some difficult lessons to absorb in short amount of times. I’ve had to develop particular skills like communication, managing emotions, and boundaries. These experiences have sparked a passion within me to help those that struggle with addiction and mental illness.

    Some trauma I experienced in childhood, but most of the trauma from this lifetime has been from my relationships and different encounters with particular people.

    But to be honest, I’m quite proud that I’ve had these experiences because, somehow, I found a way to transform my pain into a tool for knowledge and awareness. It’s made me wise, sharp, and compassionate.

    We also have to consider our abusers. An abuser does not become that way without being abused themselves. There is usually some sort of illness or trauma that has made them that way.

    We cannot look at some one, no matter what they’ve done, and say oh they’re just a bad person. We are all good, but sometimes people can become ill or carry around demons and ghosts.

    We are so valid to be angry. Anger has been a strong emotion as I try to heal from my personal traumas. And it is ok to be angry, but not to wish revenge or bad things upon them. Send them love and healing just as you would wish it upon yourself, even if they don’t deserve it.

    This is what strength is– To be pure, innocent, and loving even when some one has casted their shit onto your light. Wave your abuser away with a warm smile, let them go, and work on forgiving them.

    Treat them how you would treat yourself. Consider there traumas and try not to react from their bad energy. Because when we interact with their dramas, we allow a pathway for their negative emotions to enter us.

    We can practice this for all situations big or small. From dealing with a clerk with a bad attitude to a narcissistic parent putting you down. Observe without reacting and put up your boundaries kn any instance when you are not being treated with respect.

    It’s so difficult to be loving in these situations. Everything inside us tells us to be rude back, to give them what they gave us, but it is very important that we stop the cycle.

    People who hurt you are just hurt themselves. Look at them like a lost child and teach them to heal by being a kind, loving, and patient soul. You are strong enough for that.

  • Graceful Fire – moving on, letting go, feeling nothing, and being free

    Each individual must be the one to take off their own blindfold.

    It’s all very simple how life works. It’s just a little river that we have to be patient and flexible enough to flow with. I’ve been working on letting go piece by piece and healing. And it is not a quick fix situation. It’s a full on process of transformation and grieving. A lot of grieving as I release. And it’s interesting because with loss you can be absolutely fine going about your day, but then you will hear a song or have a dream or just absolutely randomly the switch will flip and you will feel all that sadness come to you. Sometimes anger. Surprising emotions.

    It’s been a lovely experience going through all this. Well, of course, it’s also been terrible and gut-wrenching. But I’m at the end now. The rain has already come and I am sitting in a field of fruits, basking in all the rewards of my labor. So, I’ve literally never been better. Physically, professionally, emotionally, and spiritually. There is so much abundance and the world is mine.Read More

  • Stardust

    The moments and stars are in tune. Our thoughts and actions click into each other like peaceful dreams. Blades of grass and the hairs on our head, like our spirits, are always growing even though they appear to be stagnant.

    It takes a year to understand all that is contained in a day. It takes reflection to read yourself clearly. Passing thoughts with thorough contemplation reveals answers you thought only a fine tuned psychic could tell you.

    We are puzzle pieces that fit together and fall apart in the same soggy moment. It is important to see these changes, wrap them in suede and tuck them inside you. Be thankful. Every adversity and splash of bad luck has brought you to this present moment equally as much as a heavenly stroke of divine intervention.

    People cannot return to you the gifts you have poured onto them from your heart because not everyone has the same heart as you. Not everyone has your same eyes or breath and that is what makes us individuals. You are you because of you so do not tangle when I am not you because I am I. Thank everyone for their own unique essence. Their vibration is a contribution to this mystical universe.

    Love as heavy as you can. Eat love, sleep with it, throw it at people like stones through glass windows. We all need love and it does not cause you any debt to hand it out.

  • Third Eye Sight

    There are unseen energies swirling, guiding, interfering, and influencing us. Allow us to break down this veil and use this knowledge to heal, play, and manifest our most beautiful reality possible.

    We call people who can tune into the outer realms psychics and witches, but we all have this power within us. Open the doors and pull up the blinds. Breathe in your magik. Feel your vibrations pulsate waves through your body and on the skin. It is the heat in your palms. The dull heartbeat inside your skull. It is the colors flickering behind your eyelashes.

    Feel, see, hear, smell, and taste all that is outside the physical realm. Talk to it. Manifest. And indulge in this profound opportunity called life.

  • My Self-Care Regimes

    I have noticed that self-care and self-love have become an issue of neglect for us humans. I want to share all the little things that I do to nourish myself and what I experience when I lose track of things. If you have low-energy, feel lost, or stressed, it could be because you are not taking care of some aspect of yourself.

    Below is what I do to take care of myself.

    My Space / Environment

    When my room is cluttered, it means that my mind is cluttered or it is about to be. It is important to keep my space organized and tidy at all times. This means putting away my clothes as soon as I try on another outfit (life of a girl), making sure everything is folded and in its correct spot, setting my bed every morning, taking out the trash, doing dishes immediately, and getting rid of things as soon as I realize that I do not need them (recycle, give-away).

    I loved living out of my backpack while traveling because I had less items to keep track of.

    I also love to light incense, sage, and use essential oils to keep the atmosphere clear and smelling good. I open the windows and prefer to have natural light.

    Mind

    I love to exercise my mind by researching different topics that I am interested in (health, astrology, yoga). I read poetry. I also love reading up on psychological and sociological studies on the internet. I try to give my brain information so that it does not stagnate. Learning new languages and trying new skills helps this, but it is not a daily task for me.

    I also turn to meditation if I am having trouble overthinking and worrying. If this does not solve the situation, I write. I go to my journal and begin a stream of consciousness to get down to the root of my issue. I find that there are lots of things I need to get out that I did not realize were hiding inside me. If I have not written in a while or taken the time to sort out my thoughts, I will feel it as clutter in my head, rumination, confusion, and feeling lost.Read More

  • Flowers For Eyes

    I was like a little baby sponge soaking up the energies of the people around me. Especially the bad parts. I thought that I could take the weight of this whole world if it meant people could feel happy for a second. Who could think like this? I didnt realize how much it would hurt me. Steal me away from me. I jumped into everything all blind. But it wasnt a mistake. This was part of my path. And now the flowers are blooming again for Spring. It’s a great fucking time to be me right now. I’m glowing and I’ve been granted all the gifts of the universe. I’ll never be in the clear though. There’s a scared little child shaking at the thought of what might come next. Too afraid to look forward because of what has touched her in the past. I can’t do anything about what happened to me. Except be grateful because it brought me here. And life is fucking perfect at the moment. What should I say to her? Because Winter will come again. There will be forest fires and unexpected disasters. But today I am the sun. And I’ve proven that I know how to twist tragedy into transformation.

  • Drop the Weight and Fly

    All 4 of us were seated at the kitchen table and I was picking at the glue in between the green tiles staring at all the crumbs that got caught in between. “We are getting a divorce, but it’s not because we don’t love you! “ I was 9 years old and my dad had been sleeping in a different room for months.

    The rest of childhood was a blur splattered with awkward and painful memories. My dad slamming my moms cell phone in the door. His new beach house with a living room that smelled strongly of a dying old person. There was lots of dust and I held my breath every time I walked through.

    My mom’s new boyfriend who called me babe and who was obsessed with the Red Sox.

    A family trip with another new boyfriend to Long Island for Thanksgiving. His nephews mixed corn, mashed potatoes, chicken, AND ketch-up all together on a paper plate. It’s the only way they will eat! The house smelled like dirty dog and cigarettes. After my mom and him broke up, he sent me a check for my birthday and I ripped it in half and pinned it on my bedroom wall. Ruthless.

    Read More

  • How To Find A Meditation That Works For You

    When we think of meditation, we see a monk sitting, legs folded, eyes closed, silent, sitting still. We think that he is in complete peace, his thoughts aren’t going, and he’s not bothered by the flies and mosquitoes. His legs aren’t asleep and his back isn’t aching. From the outside, we think meditation is bliss. But when we try meditation on our own, we feel uncomfortable on the inside.

    I go to group meditations once in a while. I’ve been to sound-healings where we are laying flat on the ground. I have also been to Mindfulness Meditations where we all sit around the room and are guided by a teacher. In the middle, I will open an eye and see everyone in their stillness with relaxed faces. Even while laying down, my bones start to ache after a while. While sitting, a cramp in my right shoulder develops. I get distracted by outside sounds and lights.

    The point is, meditation is not all peace. It is learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable, being in pain, and training the mind to bring it to simplicity. It’s a practice. Some days you will succeed and some days you will have a difficult time. But as long as you are trying, you will receive the benefits and your mind will become stronger.

    There are an infinite number of ways to meditate. So, don’t feel discouraged thinking that you are just limited to sitting in silence. You can . . .

    • Lay down on your back (But not recommended in the morning because you have been laying down all night while you were sleeping)
    • Concentrate on breathing in and out slowly
    • Count in your head
    • Concentrate on a color
    • Walk slowly and mindfully around the room/anywhere
    • Listen to music – any music! From Nirvana to Beethoven
    • Listen to nature – the ocean, a stream, the wind, birds
    • Dance (Look up Osho meditations)
    • Sew, Stitch, Macrame (Or any other repetitive motion)
    • Cook or bake
    • Draw a mandala
    • Color – there are adult coloring books
    • Sing a mantra (I recommend the Gayatri Mantra)
    • Create your own mantra and repeat in your head or out loud or even write it out – For example, “I am grateful” or “I am deserving of love”
    • Listen to a guided meditation on Youtube
    • Try Yoga Nidra
    • Try Qi Gong

    If you choose to sit or lay down in silence, feel free to use pillows or sit against a wall to make yourself comfortable. Meditation has no rules and you have to find what works for you. And when you feel pain or discomfort, be mindful of it and see how long you can last without moving or giving up.

    Going to a meditation group can also be helpful because it forces you to stay with the practice. The group energy keeps everyone together and gives you the strength to keep going and maintain. Also, you can make new friends!

    The easiest time to meditate is after the body has been moving and exerting itself. This is why we go into Savasana at the end of a yoga class. Working the body allows more space for the mind to calm down. So, no matter your physical practice, try to take 5 minutes to sit still at the end. If you’re having trouble finding stillness, do 20 jumping jacks and try again.

    Meditation allows us the space to stop and just exist. To be one with ourselves and the universe. When we give ourselves this time and space, we can remove blockages, we can hear our intuition, we can feel the feelings we were repressing, and we can release tension and de-stress. It is easy for our mind to be a tangled web. Meditation teaches us that things don’t have to be so messy and cloudy. Actually, life is simple. We are blessed to be alive and to experience life. Not all experiences will be pleasurable and meditation can teach us how to accept the unpleasant and even appreciate it.

    If you have any questions about meditation or need some advice or guidance in your practice, comment below.

  • Complicated Woman

    I feel like I want to reach out to something. To remove this suffocating blanket, but I can’t figure out how to do it. I wish there was somewhere that I could go or some one that I could call. But there is no where and no one who can satisfy the longing. I want it to be you and I want it to be here, but everything has settled like freshly laid bricks. I am lost in all the gray shades of a rainy sky again. Why is it that I always have to want more? To be stimulated. To be climbing a limitless height. I did know all along that this was never the final destination and home is not a place that I can travel to.

    Home is within me. But sometimes I have so many mood swings and fluctuations of feelings that I feel like I am in the middle of a storm or deserted in a white space. Sometimes I feel off and every person around me feels like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit.

    I still see the beauty in the little things. Like fallen flowers on the pavement and the sound of the wind. But I am wanting more from life. A thick purpose. A project that flows like a dance.

    I don’t know how my spirit can be so needy. Always craving changes and chasing the future. Sometimes, I wish that I could be a simpler human. Do one thing, live in one place, have a routine, smile through it all, and wake up happy. Like a farmer who spends their summers weeding and their winters inside reading books.

    Maybe I can be like this when I am older. But, for now, I am seeking. I am complicated. I am searching for ripe fruits. I look at other complicated women and think how difficult it is to be around them. To try and break through their layers knowing that there are more than I could ever know about. There are stories sewed into their being that I could never understand. But I understand because I am also a woman like this.

    There is always something mixing inside me. A light blooming. A darkness leaking. I am unpredictable and free, yet caged and lost. But I am here. I am alive. I want to keep breathing. Some days I am high and some days I am low. Just keep going. That’s all I have to worry about. Be open to opportunities if they come, but for now, just keep on top of the daily tasks and enjoy.